Understanding Adoptee Grief and Loss Issues

"Sometimes I feel so sad that it's
embarrassing. It seems 'over the top.'"

An adoptee’s wounds are hardly ever talked about. They are the proverbial elephant in the living room.  Dr. David M. Brodzinsky and the late Dr. Marshall D. Schecter, a psychologist and psychiatrist specializing in adoption, say in their insightful book Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self, that loss for the adoptee is “unlike other losses we have come to expect in a lifetime, such as death and divorce. Adoption is more pervasive, less socially recognized, and more profound.”
Grief is the natural response to loss, and those touched by adoption must be given permission to revisit emotionally the place of loss, feel the pain, scream the anger, cry the tears, and then allow themselves to be loved by others.  If left unresolved, this grief can and often does sabotage the strongest of families and the deepest potential within the adopted child.  It can undermine the most sincere parental commitment and force adoptees to suffer in private, choosing either rebellion or conformity as a mode of relating.

We'll talk more about grief and loss in the next few posts and how to help your child work through big emotions. I will share a practical tool that has  been helpful to many. Stay tuned!

Respond to this and share your thoughts! Does your child feel sad often? Or, does he/she feel mad?

I remember what a colleague taught me--"Its easier to get mad than sad." 

Click the little envelop below to reply. The place where it asks for "friends" is simply if you want to share this post with someone else.

Love to all,

Sherrie

You tube on adoptee depression: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_7qxx8yG28&feature=share

PS--This is an excerpt from Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. If you'd like to learn more,  Click here!
This is a YouTube about adoptees and depression 

If you'd like the perspective of a great clinician, check out Karyn Purvis' book The Connected Child. Click Here! 
Another of my favorites is by Dr. Gregory C. Keck and Regina Kupecky called Parenting the Hurt Child. Click here!Click Here!
For the book mentioned in this article. It's been a classic for years and gives a developmental view of grief and loss. Being Adopted....The Lifelong Search for Self,  click here.